


Voice Inside

by zombiEbonics



Series: Voice Inside [1]
Category: Journey into Mystery, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-06 19:27:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiEbonics/pseuds/zombiEbonics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifteen year old Loki suffered the wrath of his family and was put into a home for others like him.  However two years later, unable to tolerate the medication that made the voice in his head become corporeal,  Loki devised a plan and escaped his living nightmare only to face another; coming face to face with the one who betrayed him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“This isn’t right.”

_"Thor would have thought it just fine.”_

“He wouldn’t have.”

_“He confirmed that if he needed to do something bad in order for something good to happen, he would do it.  Did he not?”_

“Yeah, but I don't think this is what he meant.”

_“What other choice do you have, Loki?”_

“Care for anything else?”

Large orbs made up of green hues looked up nervously at the woman before him.  Her hip was cocked up, sustaining the weight of her left fist upon it as a notebook and pen occupied her other hand.  She looked down at Loki with suspicion in her eyes, and yet for a moment Loki couldn’t blame her.  While her auburn hair was perfectly coiffed, making her thirty something years plummet to mid twenties, his dark tresses were long and mangy.  His face was pale and hollowing at his cheekbones and if he hadn’t tried to wash up in the fountain earlier before the rain had started, he would have looked a bigger mess than now.  

She must have suspected that he wouldn’t be able to pay for the food that was once on the now empty plate before him.  Neither could he pay for the milkshake.  He had always been very fond of those.  His mother had always made them for him.

“Ah, actually,” Loki muttered, barely audible over the fact that he didn’t want to get caught.  Then again, what had his brothers friends called him? 

_“Silver tongued.”_

“Yes,” Loki said with a more confident approach, the bile rising in the pit of his stomach.  “I would like another milkshake.  This time chocolate, please.”

The woman eyed him for a moment, suspicion rife in her glare but soon enough she was off with a shake of her head and putting in his order.  This was the time to act.  Loki shifted in the small diner booth, the red leather squeaking beneath his light squirming as he adjusted his backpack.  With another look towards the counter and the patrons inside the diner, Loki made a beeline for the restroom.  He’d come here once with his family, he remembered.  They had been throwing a party for his brother Thor in celebration of his High School Graduation, and Loki had spent a lot of time going in and out of the bathroom.  He just needed a lot of time away from the commotion, never quite fitting in with his own family the older he got and besides, it wasn’t like Thor’s friends were fond of him.

_“Because they weren’t your friends.  None of them were ever yours.  Not even your family.”_

“Shut up, Ikol,” Loki growled as he quietly entered the men’s bathroom, searching for the stall that had the widest window to fit through.  He pushed open the stall door and began climbing the ceramic toilet, praying that the window wasn’t higher than it looked.  Or that the toilet caved in.  He’d heard of stories like that from squatters who had to be rushed to the emergency room and had read reports online.

Luckily the window wasn’t all that high and the toilet didn’t succumb under his weight.

He  tossed the backpack out the window first.  Loki’s heart was racing as he pulled himself up, pushing through the window and passing his shoulders through to the other side.  The rain was coming down hard and his hair was instantly getting soaked, forcing the black locks to stick to his face and drip onto his eyelashes, slightly blurring his vision.  He was almost halfway through when the bathroom door burst open.

“Hey, kid!”

Loki jolted but refused to look back as his heart slammed into his chest.  He could hear the shuffling of feet behind him but he didn’t slow.  “No.  No, no, no,” he chanted as the rest of his body slipped through the window.

The slide down the solid brick wall of the alley was rough, pulling at his shirt and scraping his stomach and knees as he came down to a painful stop on the alley floor.  The black asphalt met him halfway.  

_“Face first.  Very smart.”_

Loki ignored Ikol and grabbed at his backpack, quickly slipping it on as he made his way down the alley.  He could still hear the guy shouting through the window and he figured that if he stayed here long enough the employee would come around and search for him.  The rain was pouring and instantly he was soaked through his black hooded sweater and clothing.  Despite that, he slipped on his hood.  Useless.

_“Where to now?”_

“Does it matter?” he muttered, his shoes slopping wet, splashing water and squelching with each step.  The citizens of New York that were walking around past midnight were huddled under umbrellas or poncho’s as cars whizzed by, picking up dirt filled water and spreading it across the sidewalks.  Loki marched on through the rain and throws’ of people, ignoring the slight shoves to his shoulder and person.  People never minded the homeless, and at one point in his life Loki had never given them a thought either.  To be experiencing what those who so many times had asked him for money and he had so many times refused them, was comical albeit a part of his own doing.

He could have chosen to stay with his family.  But what good would that do him?  He would have only ended up in the “home” again because as far as he knew, he really didn‘t have a real home anymore, with family and friends.  He would have to share a dividing wall with another who was similar to him; people that were deemed abnormal, different, just because they had a different way of viewing the world, or of hearing beings that weren‘t physically there.  Because Ikol wasn’t there.  Ikol was of a time that was neither here nor there, neither now nor then.  Loki often times wondered where Ikol had come from, but like always-

_“In due time,”_ he’d always say.   _“But doubt not that I am you, and that you are I.  We are one and the same, Loki.”_

Loki sighed to himself.  He would never go back home and he would never go back to that god forsaken place.  All those things he overheard his father and his mother arguing about.  How the truth came out from one simple mistake, a slip-up in their speech patterns, unaware of the fifteen year old casually listening in.

_“It wasn’t as though your life was all rainbows.  You were always different, weren’t you.  Causing trouble.”_

“It’s called having fun.  You’ve obviously never had it.”

_“Oh, mind you, I have.  Lots of it.“_ The voice in his head was cryptic, just as all the other times when Ikol was up to something.  When it would start devising plots before somehow conning Loki into doing what it wanted.  Perhaps Ikol was right, he did have his fun; At Loki’s expense.

When had he first started hearing this voice?  Loki couldn’t exactly remember.  All he knew was that one day it was suddenly there, guiding him and telling him what to do.  Often times he was the voice of reason, and yet at other times he was a liar and a trickster.  The voice said his name was Loki and Loki himself couldn’t believe it.  He refused to believe it seeing as the voice belonged to someone who seemed to be much older than he.  Yet he needed a way to identify it from between his own thoughts, because Ikol was quite cunning, and so Loki renamed him.  Coined in his name spelt backwards and called it a day.  Ikol hasn’t left him since.

Loki tightened his grip on the strap of the backpack while his hood dripped rain into his water smashed hair.  Water ran down his face and neck, dipping into his shirt as all of his clothing stuck to his person.  The streets weren’t as dark as he wished them to be, hoping it would be much easier to find a place to hide and rest for the night but the cars that passed weren’t letting up, and the lights that lit some of the sidewalks were being too generous with their glow.  Loki cursed lightly to himself.  He wanted to get away from most of the commotion.

_“Perhaps if one watched where they stepped, an accident may be averted.”_

The warning was given far too late as Loki had already taken a step off the sidewalk and into the street.  He was going to J-walk as a lot of people called it, a term he never understood but used occasionally, when a black sedan turned the corner at the same time he did.  

The force with which the sedan hit him wasn’t as hard as one would expect, but it was enough to knock Loki onto his back.  For the second time that night the black pavement met him halfway and it felt as though his bones rattle inside of him, his arm and side searing with pain as it had taken most of the impact.  His head hit the ground and Loki was instantly seeing metaphorical stars.  

The car had screeched to a halt, he had heard that, but had hit him anyhow and he cursed to himself for not watching where he was crossing before doing so.  The pain wasn’t debilitating, and he hadn’t broken anything or had seriously gotten hurt, but it was shocking and his head was hurting like crazy.

“I’m sorry, are you alright?”  The apparent male driver asked as he made his way towards Loki.  The rain pelted him in the face as he lay on his back trying to get himself in gear but being too rattled by the incident that he could hardly stand back up, much less think or see straight.  If he feigned an injury, maybe the guy would compensate him with cash and he could take a bus out of the state?  He had tried making money the second day he had left the home, but busy subway commuters didn’t seem to be interested in petty magic tricks.

“No,” Loki groaned back to the guy, rubbing his head and feigning an insurmountable amount of pain.  “You just hit me with your car.  Am I supposed to be okay?”  He felt the male stop short, the dark, broad figure looming over him in shadow caused by the street lamp that illuminated him from behind.  People got hit all the time, so what was his problem?  Maybe it was his first time running down a pedestrian?  If so, Loki could already see the money signs and a well paid ticket fare.  He could see tomorrows breakfast and lunch, and he could see-

“Loki?”

Loki stopped pretending.  He almost stopped breathing.  His stomach opened up into a pit and his heart tumbled down the shaft and straight into that hole.  He felt sick as his eyes widened, still unable to see the face of the male in front of him and yet knowing every inch of it.  The azure hue of his eyes, the naturally blonde hair that flowed softly from the roots that made up his mane, and the baritone of his voice sold him out.

Loki instantly struggled to get up, to drag himself away.  It couldn’t end like this, he had barely been out only a few days!  He couldn’t let himself get caught so easily.  He kicked the broad male in the thigh and pulled himself up as the man grunted.  Loki tried to run as the pain of his collision with the car lingered but he didn’t let that stop him from making a real effort.  Too bad he could never outrun his eldest brother.

“Loki, no!”

Strong arms folded around him, squeezing him around the chest and pulling him into a tight grip.  Loki struggled for all it was worth but it seemed to be of no use, his grip was a sort of stronghold and no matter how many times they had both wrestled as boys, Loki had never won against him.

_“Is that all you‘ve got?  Pity.”_

“Please, you don’t understand,” Loki pleaded, ignoring Ikol in his head.  “I can’t go back, please don’t make me go back.”

“Stop trying to run, Loki.”

“No.  No!”  This was the time Loki wished magic were real.  He would have made himself disappear if he could.  Unfortunately, the world they lived in left little room for that, and all one could do was create an illusion of it in ones mind to escape.

_“Unfortunate, isn’t it.”_

Loki continuously struggled as he was pulled to the car, the door swinging open as he was manhandled into it, a gesture he’d always loathed.  He fell onto the edge of the leather back seats and slipped onto the floor like a ragdoll, his side hitting the divider where the cup holders in the back usually were.  Loki muffled a grunt as the doors slammed and locked all around him and even though he tried to get them to open, the damn things were child locked.  It didn’t matter how much he wished for them to unlock themselves, and he even pondered breaking the window, but punching through reinforced car windows usually resulted in only a crack and a broken hand.

_“Go right ahead.  I am curious to see what would happen.”_

“Shut up!”

“Don’t tell me to shut up.  Do you know how worried _sick_ I’ve been?”

Loki pressed himself into the corner of the seat and the door, his arms pressed tight against him at his sides as his hands buried themselves beneath his thighs.  He was wet, smelly, and had probably seen better days but at this point he didn’t care.  He felt screwed, cornered, and very irritated.  Thor was taking up a good amount of the seats with his muscled bulk most males would envy, but for Loki it was a hindrance.  He was taking up all his breathing room.  He needed his breathing room!

“Don’t lie to me,” Loki muttered.  “It’s not like anyone missed me- ack!”

Thor grabbed the back of Loki’s neck and pulled him close, his face looming in his as all anger seemed to instantly flush from him, and what looked to be sorrow and guilt took its place.  Thor feeling guilty?  He never thought he’d see the day.

_“Rightfully he should.  After all, he was the one who exposed us.  Do not forget those that betrayed you, Loki.”_

“Loki,” Thor sounded hurt.  Loki had struck a nerve.  He could see in Thor’s eyes… something he didn’t want to acknowledge.  “We all miss you.  I thought… I thought I’d never see you again.  Why did you run off?”

“Why?  I wonder.  That home seemed like a real peachy place to be, maybe I should have stayed and let them keep pumping me with pills.  Guess I have you to thank for that.”

Thor shook Loki as impatience flittered across his features.  “Do you always have to be this way?  I didn’t think-”

“Exactly, you didn’t think!”

_“He never thinks.”_

The bile that had slowly been churning, burning and boiling in his gut had come alive, the chemical concoction bursting into flames.  “You _betrayed me_ , Thor.  I trusted you and you betrayed me.  And when I needed someone, the family that I thought was actually mine turned their backs on me.”

“Loki, it wasn’t like that-”

“I should have known all these years why they always favored you, but now I know the truth.  Why bother with me when they had a real son?  Someone who wasn’t crazy.  The moment you opened your big mouth-”

_“What an oaf.”_

“- was the moment they had an excuse to get rid of me.”

“Loki, that isn’t true.  No one thinks you’re crazy.  We all love you, we all care for you-”

“Love,” Loki snorted.  “What everyone’s ever shown me I call contempt disguised as tolerance.”

“Loki-”

“No, Thor.”  Loki pushed himself away from Thor’s grip.  “Just… take me back.  A second betrayal wouldn’t mean much at this point.”

_“Giving up so easily?  Tch, this is rather disappointing.  I would have never let him take me back.  Unless you have a plan?”_

“You should know,” Loki frowned.  “You claim to be me, right?”

“… what?”  

The words came out barely a whisper as Thor looked at Loki.  He tried his best to ignore him, he really did, but like always his eyes gravitated back to his elder brother.  Or, former brother as it were.  He hated looking at him and seeing such… sadness in his eyes.  He didn’t mean to be the cause of it, it just always sort of happens.

_“A sign of weakness.  The remorse he feels is of his own doing.  You were the one betrayed, remember that?”_

The rain fell harder now and pelted against the car windows making the inside feel even colder despite all the body heat radiating from a disheveled and wet Thor.  Thor, who continued to look at Loki in a way that made him feel bad, and inferior at the same time.  Ikol was right.  Why should he feel bad about the way Thor felt?  He was the one who caused all of this to happen.  He brought it unto himself.

“Loki… do you still hear that voi-”

“Just take me back, Thor.  Do whatever.  We’re not talking about this.”

Thor sat there for a moment as all the while Loki ignored him.  The silence between them was thick and awkward.  They hadn’t seen each other since Thor’s last visit during Christmas.  A Christmas Loki hadn’t wanted to attend back home.  Those types of holidays were meant for families and as far as Loki was concerned, he didn’t really have one anymore.  His supposed father never came to visit, his mother at first had inquired often about his condition and then the commotion had slowly died down.  Thor had been the only one who had become a constant while Loki was in his new “ _home._ ”  And even then, his visits and inquiries had died out and Loki stopped caring, mind too numb from the drugs they administered him every night.   But not once had he forgotten what Thor had done and Ikol was a constant reminder of how he was put in his new home in the first place.

Water slowly dripped from the leather seat onto the floor, droplets that had escaped the soaked mess of Loki’s clothing.  Feet shuffled, breaths were taken but no matter what, the silence was never filled.  It wasn’t till a few minutes later after a crippling bout of awkwardness that Thor made his way to the drivers seat and started the car.  Loki was sure he was on his way back to the place he had skillfully escaped, and was already plotting a second escape. 

The car rumbled to life and they took off, the hard coming rain sounding like hail against the windows and body of the glossy black sedan.  Loki looked around for things to occupy himself with, but no matter what he did, his gaze gravitated back to Thor.  The silence was stifling and he knew Thor must have felt the same.  He was not one to keep quiet normally, but given the circumstances it was understandable.  Almost a year of no contact with someone you supposedly cared so much about could leave a dent in a relationship.  Thor was probably feeling it.

“So,” Thor finally said, his voice sounding distant as if he were afraid of treading on eggshells.  “How are things with you?”

Loki snorted at him; a bad habit.  “How do you think?”  Loki could physically see Thor’s body  tense and from where he was sitting he knew Thor had gripped the steering wheel.  He imagined his brothers knuckles turning white and that put a smirk on his face, though he couldn’t fathom why.

Ikol chuckled.

The blond of Thor’s hair was still as luxurious, bright like spun gold tied into a knot at the base of his neck.  Thor wasn’t that much older than he, only four years older to be exact, and yet they were vastly different.  Well, what did he expect?  They weren’t even related.

_“Admiring the betrayer?”_

Anger again consumed him, causing Loki to look away and stare out the window as they passed by buildings and dark streets.  He wondered how long it would take Thor to get him back to the home, but Loki wasn’t expecting the car ride to lead them to a marked parking spot in a community garage, and a strange apartment complex which Thor had a key to.

The thought of Thor living separate from his parents… how much had happened in the time that had passed? Somehow, the institute seemed less daunting now.

_“Curious and even more curious.  It seems neither the institute nor the wrath of your imposter of a father shall be met today… At least… not yet.  What lies behind Thor‘s doors?  What secrets shall we uncover?”_

Loki ignored Ikol’s excitement as they got out of the car and went straight into the building.  Why was he even following Thor?  He could have made a run for it the moment the door was unlocked for him.  

Hah.  Who was he kidding?  He wouldn’t have stood a chance.  So he did what he could do.  He put up no resistance, and followed Thor.  Through the doors of the building, up the elevator, and through halls, how had Thor gotten the money for such a swanky place?  It was a thought that kept running through his mind every second of the way.  And it wasn’t until he ventured inside the apartment that he realized why.

It was shared.

He knew Thor wasn’t into architecture, so the designs that were strewn across the coffee table, the dining table and couch were most likely his roommates.  There was also a neat pile of paperwork with formulas and chemical compounds written in formats Loki didn’t understand.  The place was furnished the way a minimalist would live, with a few Thor like quality embellishments here and there but ultimately the place was very clean and modern.  It was almost void of personality.  Very different from a place he imagined Thor would live in.

It felt more like a lab.

“I rent the spare room here,” he said as if reading Loki’s mind.  “My other two roommates are from the University and offered me the extra room.”

“University?”  Loki asked, a bit surprised.  He couldn’t help but wonder what Thor was taking, though he wouldn’t admit that he was curious to know.  “Time really did fly by since I was put away.”

_“As always, a great conversationalist.”_

“What would you have said, then?”

Thor cleared his throat, interrupting Loki from what surely would have turned into an annoyed disagreement with Ikol.   “I’ll get you a change of clothes for the night.  You’re staying here, and we’ll talk in the morning.  You can take my bed if you‘d like.”

“It’s fine.  I’ll just take the couch.”

They stood there staring at each other for a moment, the other unsure of what to say before Thor went to fetch Loki some things.  Loki had forgotten that others felt uncomfortable around him whenever he spoke to Ikol.  He wouldn’t care so much if it were someone else, but the fact that it was Thor who had outted him just made him want to be more cautious.  A fact he forgets seeing as he’s so used to Ikol always being around to talk to.

Loki silently shivered as he headed towards the couch, running his hand along the rough material that covered the cushions.  Slowly he lowered himself into it, his wet clothes surely going to leave a mark.  He should care, but he didn’t.  Instead, his eyes repeatedly kept drifting towards the door as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, his longish black locks tickling and sticking to his neck.  He shouldn’t be here.  He should leave.

_“Why run now?  This is your chance.”_

“My chance to what?  Damn myself?  He’ll just send me back to that place.  If not now then eventually, Ikol.”

_“This is your chance, Loki.  And a decent chance for revenge is far and few…._

_... Think about it.”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifteen year old Loki suffered the wrath of his family and was put into a home for others like him. However two years later, unable to tolerate the medication that made the voice in his head become corporeal, Loki devised a plan and escaped his living nightmare only to face another; coming face to face with the one who betrayed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight depictions of violence here.

_I was there, you know.”_

“Where?”

_“When you hurt Balder.”_

Loki hesitated.  “When I hurt… Balder?”

_“Yes.”_

_The sharp blades of the scissors opened and closed, the dull “shik” sound unnerving the younger boy in front of him.  Loki’s hand moved back and forth, the rubber cap on the scissors handle slipping from his fingers.  If Balder made any sudden movements, it would only be a matter of time before-_

“I didn’t mean to,” Loki said to the darkness that surrounded him.

_“Of course you didn’t,”_  the voice responded, a spotlight announcing the presence of the disembodied voice.  The light shone down on a man in his late twenties, possibly early thirties, donning a black three piece suit with a green and gold scarf draped around his neck.  His hair was solid black, slicked back as it layered in flicked wisps to the nape of his neck.  He sat in his chair as if it were a throne and he cared not for it, casually slouching with his legs parted without a care in the world.   _“You never meant to hurt him, Loki,”_  Ikol said. _“But I did.”_

_ “Loki, what did you do!”  Thor ripped the scissors out of young Loki’s hand all the while the eight year old panicked as the crying and wailing of his younger brother, Balder, surrounded him.  Blood, there was too much blood.  What had happened? _

_“Please, don’t tell father.  I didn’t mean to!  I really didn’t, Thor!”_

_“Why would you play such games, Loki?  Why?”  Thor pushed Loki aside as he inspected six year old Balder, his nose bleeding from the nick Loki had given him with the scissors.  It was barely a scratch at the bottom of the thin skin that divided his nostrils, and yet the blood flowed like a geyser.  Balder wouldn’t stop crying._

_“Come on, Balder.”_

_“Please, Thor.  Please don’t tell on me.”_

_“It’s too late for that, Loki.”_

_“What happened here?”  The deep voice boomed, making Loki’s entire body shake with fear.  The man that stood in front of the doorway pulled Balder out of Thor’s arms and immediately he looked at Loki.  “What did you do, boy?”  The look he gave him was one of disappointment and anger, and Loki felt sick to his stomach.  He didn’t do it.  He really didn’t mean to do it._

_“Unfortunate that they never believed you, isn’t it?”_

“That was you wasn’t it, Ikol.”

_“There’s some… thing on the couch.”_

“Don’t mess around.”

_“It’s a kid, not a thing.”_

“Answer me!”

 

The front door of the apartment slammed closed as Thor came in, a cardboard tray with four coffee’s in hand as well as what appeared to be donuts.  “It’s waking up, oh god what is it?”

Loki slowly opened his eyes, his head hurting and his ears still ringing with the cries of Balder from years passed.  A dream.  He had only been dreaming.

“It’s just a kid, Tony.  Thor?”

“I am sorry.  I should have said something last night but I came in really late and you were both already sleeping.”

“Who’s is it?”  The goateed man said as he loomed over Loki, his hands in his jeans pockets.  His hair was disheveled as if he had just gotten up, the Black Sabbath band shirt he had on was wrinkled and obviously old.  The man next to him had on a pair of rimless glasses and brown hair and looked overtly exhausted in dark jeans and a grey button up shirt.

“He is my brother.  Loki.”

“Well,” the goateed one said.  “No offence kid, but you smell and that couch is new-”

“I don’t think this is the right time to insinuate a shower, Tony.”

Loki’s eyes traveled back and forth between the two men who loomed over him as Thor walked into the picture, handing the guy with the glasses a cup of coffee and the Goateed one grabbing his own from the cardboard carrier.  

“I’m not his brother,” Loki said automatically, sitting up on the couch and pulling the sheets away from him.  Goatee, who was apparently named Tony, quirked a brow and shot a look at Thor while Glasses pursed his lips in silent question.  Loki didn’t look at Thor.

Thor cleared his throat.  “Loki, this is Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, my roommates.”

“For now,” Tony said.  “So, what are you doing here exactly?”

“Excuse him,” Bruce said, his voice rough around the edges and yet coming off as completely calm and collected.  Gentle even.  “He doesn’t usually do mornings.  Nice to meet you, Loki.”  Bruce reached out to Loki and Loki looked at his hand expectantly before gripping it in a handshake.  The other one just looked at him.

“Well,” Thor interrupted the strange silence that surrounded them.  “I brought some donuts.”

“Acceptable,” Tony said as he moved on towards the kitchen counter where the Pepto-Bismol-Pink colored pastry box sat.  Loki looked at Bruce curiously before the man shrugged at him.

“Donut Fridays.  Might be the only morning Tony actually looks forward to.”  Bruce looked between Loki and Thor.  “I’ll leave you two alone,” he said with an awkward nod in Thor’s direction before following after Tony to the donuts.

Thor rubbed his palms on his jeans before sitting down next to Loki who sat there in checkerboard pajama bottoms that were too big to fit properly around the waist and an oversized t-shirt.  He felt like he had just been splashed in the face with freezing cold water, unsure of what the hell was happening and not liking it either.  He was still groggy in the head, the dream having pulled him deeply under and his body felt fatigued.  

It had been a while since he had slept anywhere that wasn’t a cot, the streets, or a white room void of life.  Well, this apartment wasn’t much different, but the subtle decorations separated it from the facility he had been put in previously.  The commotion in the morning was different however, and at least he wasn’t woken up by a nurse or the screaming of a kid down the hall having another episode.  No, this time he was woken up by the haunting scream of his past and the disturbing knowledge that Ikol might have been around since the very beginning without him ever knowing.

“How did you sleep?”

“With my eyes closed.”

Thor sighed.  “That’s not what I meant.  Were you able to rest well?”

Loki shrugged at his brother, or not brothers question.  What should he tell him?  That he had a dream of Ikol and saw him again the same way he had seen him at the home?  The supposed spitting image of what Loki is meant to look like when he gets older?  As if he’d ever have a mullet like that.  Or that he had dreamt of their younger brother Balder and how he had hurt him?  That would go well.  And speaking of Ikol, he was being rather silent this morning.

“Loki, you and I really need to talk-”

“I’m still half asleep, Thor.  Can’t this wait?”  Loki ignored his brother and reached for his backpack, opening up the zipper to reveal its contents.  Stolen soaps, small snacks from liquor stores and empty water bottles as well as the toothbrush and paste he had snagged from a convenience store.  “I’ll be in the bathroom.”

“Don’t touch my stuff,” Tony called out, forcing Loki to turn around and glare at him as he looked for the bathroom.  “Sweet kid,” he heard him say.  “What’s the story?” Loki stormed into the bathroom as soon as he found it and shut the door behind him, closing off the explanation Thor would surely give them.  It wasn’t like Thor was any good at keeping his mouth closed, experience had taught him that.

He leaned against the white marbled sink not daring to look in the mirror that hung in front of him, he didn’t need proof that this whole situation was a mess.  He shouldn’t have listened to Ikol last night.  Revenge?  That meant nothing to him right now, he just wanted to get away from everyone.  He didn’t think he’d ever get to see Thor again no matter how many times he fantasized about shoving it in his face that the past two years he had wasted in the home were all his fault.  He fantasized about digging into him with all the gory details of what transpired in there, what he had to go through, and make him drown in his guilt and beg for forgiveness.  And now, he didn’t even have to do all that.  The guilt was evident in the way Thor reacted around him and even  _looked_  at him.  Strangely enough, Loki couldn’t do it.

Loki groaned and clutched his head for a moment.  His head was reeling and was starting to hurt.  Unintentionally he looked in the mirror.  Grey bags hung deeply under his dulling green eyes.  His cheeks were slightly sunken making his cheek bones look sharper than what they usually were. His hair was an oily mess and matted on one side and he looked sick.  Who knows.  Maybe he was?  Maybe that’s why Thor was being so… kind?

 _“Sentiment,”_  his reflection said back to him, startling Loki into taking a few steps back from the sink and mirror.   _“A useless emotion if you ask me.”_

“And no one asked you,” Loki responded angrily.  What a great time for Ikol to show up and scare the crap out of him.  Loki looked away from the mirror and hurriedly ran a cold shower, ignoring what the guy, Tony Stark or whatever, had said to him.  He assumed the white towel hanging in the white and light blue bathroom was his and thought to use it after cleaning himself up.

Loki quickly stripped down, ignoring the looks Ikol gave him from his reflection in the mirror.  The bruises he previously had were now beginning to dull and turn a yellow-green, the thin skin of his forearms were riddled with puncture wounds from needles, and a burn marred him at the wrist where he had been hastily restrained once.  Was he hallucinating about Ikol again?  But he hadn’t taken any medication.  A hallucination wouldn’t make sense, and he hadn’t had one since-

 _“No hallucination, young Loki,”_  Ikol said.   _“This is the real thing.”_

Loki shouted as a spectral hand emerged from the mirror, it’s nails painted black and very much looking like his own.  Loki hurriedly took a few steps back, Ikol’s hand barely missing grabbing him by the hair as the pajama bottoms he had been in the middle of taking off caught themselves around his ankles.  Loki fell backwards, hitting his back against the towel rack as he crumpled to the cold, blue tiled floor with a thump.  “Ah,” he groaned, as a dull ache emerged in his back, his eyes frantically looking around to see if Ikol had really become corporeal again.  If he had, he didn’t know how he would handle it here.  No one had any medication… would he go away on his own?

“Loki?”  The knock came instantaneously, Thor’s voice urgent and booming.  The knocks were heavy and loud and yet Loki couldn’t keep his eyes from frantically searching.  “Loki?”  He tried to catch his breath to slow his heavy breathing, using the edge of the sink to pick himself back up.  His legs were weak and shaky and his heart was pounding.  

“That wasn’t nice, Ikol,” he mumbled to the mirror that only housed his own dismal reflection now, no smirk or glare in his eyes that meant Ikol was around.  Why was this happening?  He thought that it was the medication at the home that had made Ikol more real than he ever wanted him to be.  He never expected it to happen on it’s own.

“Loki?”  The doorknob rattled as Thor tried opening it.  If Loki didn’t answer, he knew that Thor would try and break it down because that was just the type of oaf that he was.

“I’m fine, I just slipped.”

“Don’t break my stuff,” he heard from the other side, the Stark fellow having to put in his two cents to the situation.  He could barely hear Bruce tell him off beneath Thor’s booming voice.

“Brother, let me in.  Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

“By the gods, Thor, I’m fine!”

“This sounds like a Shakespearean play.”

“This is nothing like a Shakespearean play, Tony.”

“Loki, let me in.  I just want to make sure that you are alright.”

“Go away, I’m not a child!”  And on and on it went as Loki jumped right into the cold water to drown out the noise.

 

__________________________________________________

  


The clothing Loki had worn the night before had apparently been washed and folded, placed neatly by the door of the bathroom.  He didn’t even have to guess as to who might have done the job for him and for a moment he was grateful.  It meant he didn’t have to borrow anyone's clothes.  Yet at the same time it bothered him.  Why did Thor have to suddenly bee so nice?

No, that wasn’t right.  Thor had always been kind and caring towards him, albeit a bit rough when he was around his friends, or when Loki did something others might consider as bad or wrong.  He'd even take the blame sometimes.

_“He sold you out, as they say.  Are those the acts of someone who is kind and caring?”_

Loki sighed to himself as he went back into the living room, the towel hanging around his neck for display.  Ikol still hadn’t left after that episode in the bathroom so to say he wasn’t still rattled would be a lie, but he played it off really well.  The only thing was that everyone else had left, except for Thor who sat in the kitchen with the newspaper in his hands.  How odd, Loki thought to himself, to see Thor reading the newspaper so complacently.  Loki didn’t want to make any noise or bring attention to himself, and yet Thor knew exactly when Loki entered the room.  It had always been that way.

“Everyone’s left?”

“They left for their classes.  Are you feeling refreshed?”

Loki shrugged at him and made his way to the table, pulling out a silver chair and taking his seat.  “As refreshed as possible, I guess,” he said, placing his bare arms on top of the table.  Loki noticed Thor staring at his arms, the puncture wounds evident and scarred, and yet he felt no shame.  Why should he hide it?

_“Of course,”_ Ikol said.   _“You must make him see what was done to you.  Force him to see that it was his doing that lowered you to this treatment.”_

Loki sighed.  “Shut up, seriously.”

Thor cleared his throat and quickly looked away, back at the newspaper he had settled on the table.  The silence was once again thick when a thought struck Loki.  “You don’t have any classes?”  He asked, wondering if he had only taken up a room with University students while not actually attending one himself.  That seemed like a very Thor thing to do.  He hadn’t always been very bright, anyway.

“I do,” he responded, still not looking at him.  “I have Health now and Kinesiology later.”

“What?”  Loki said, a confused frown on his face.  He hadn’t expected that, and yet if he thought about it, it sounded like something Thor would do.

Thor shrugged at him.  “I want to teach Physical Education for a while at a High School.”

Loki continued to frown.  “Hmm, I thought you’d continue sports or something.  Sounds like your kind of thing.”

It was Thor’s turn to shrug at him, and if Loki wasn’t mistaken he’d say Thor looked a bit embarrassed talking about it.  Which was unusual to Loki.  Thor was never embarrassed about anything, he was always boisterous and loud and obnoxious and righteous.  Annoying.

“I thought about that but I realized it just wasn’t fulfilling.  I decided to do this instead, to make a difference as a teacher, to be someone who could really connect to my students through the exhilaration of physical exercise.”

If it were possible for a frown to deepen more so than it already was, Loki’s face was doing it.

Thor chuckled at him, the sound coming from deep within his chest, thunderous and hoarse.  “Don’t look at me like that, Brother.  I am serious.  When the adrenaline in ones glands is released-”

“I'm not terribly interested.”

Thor instantly went quiet, his expression changing from sunshine and smiles to straight faced and closed off.  Perhaps Loki was harsh in the way he said it, again he said something in a way he didn’t mean to, but too late for that.  He said it and Thor was clearly hurt.

_“I like where this is going.”_

Loki sighed.  If he continued like this he’d be no better than Ikol, and that was a terrible thought.  He’d meant what he said, he just didn’t mean to say it the way he did.  Unless he did mean it?  Damn everything.  He questioned himself why he should be feeling bad when Thor was the one who should feel bad for everything that had happened to him?

“Would you like your coffee now, Loki?  It’s gotten cold but I can heat it up for you again if you’d like.”

“No thank you,” Loki said, his teeth gritted.  “My nerves don’t react favorably to caffeine.”

“How about something to eat?”

“I-” what was this?  None of this was important.  Why was he being so hospitable? Did Thor forget he ran away from the place they had institutionalized him?  Did he forget that he was the cause of it?  Of everything?  Loki wanted to scream at the stepford wife routine.  Coming from Thor, it was comical!  A joke!  How dare he sit casually and read the paper as if nothing had happened?  How dare he try and act all nice towards him?  How dare he act as if he hadn’t betrayed him!

“Why did you do it!?”  Loki shouted, his closed fist slamming down onto the thick, white wooden table, his pinkie hitting the silver metal lining but he was too enraged to care about the pain.  The world slowly spun around him and yet the only thing that was clearly in focus was Thor’s shocked face.  That stupid blonde hair, those blue eyes that made everyone a sucker and gave him everything he wanted.

_“He had it easy.  He and Balder always had it easy, all the while you and I scraped around for any left over affection or approval from those who weren’t even related to us by blood.  They laughed at us, they all laughed at us and are still laughing even now!”_

“I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not, you’re not sorry.  You’re mocking us.”

“ _Us_?  Loki, I never meant for any of it to happen.  I begged our father-”

“ _Your_  father.  Not ours.”

“Brother, listen to me, please.  I asked father to bring you back home but he wouldn’t listen.”

_“Do not shed a tear for him, Loki, he clearly lies.  And in our faces he spews his venomous words.”_

What was that sound?  Who was making that pathetic, mewling sound?

“We were told to shorten our visits, that they weren’t helping you in your recovery, Loki.  The last time Mother saw you, you had an episode.  You were screaming nonsense at us and managed to hurt one of the nurses.  From then on our visits became shorter… until father forbade us to see you.”

_“He lies.  Look at him, Loki.  Look upon the face of a heartless Liar.”_

Oh no, Loki thought.  The sounds were coming from him.  He bowed his head and covered his face with his arm, shielding his watering and overflowing eyes from Thor.  How embarrassing to end up like this.  Sickly and crying in front of someone who always represented greatness.

“I never meant for any of this to happen, Loki.  It wasn’t my intention when I told them about you and-”

“Are they searching for me?” He had to know.  Was anyone searching for him?  Loki wiped at his eyes and looked at Thor through his periphery.  He couldn’t face him.  He didn’t want to see the look of disgust on his face at seeing a grown seventeen year old boy cry in front of him.

_“Shameful.”_

Thor took his time to answer but it didn’t soften the blow.  “I’m afraid so.”  It only confirmed the fact that Loki had to keep moving.  He didn’t want to see his false parents and he didn’t want to be taken back there.  Not now, not ever.  He didn’t deserve to be there.  There was nothing wrong with him!

_“Of course not.  Who would ever get that idea.”_

“I’m not here to take you back, Loki.  I finally found you by sheer stroke of luck and I’m not giving you up so easily.  You’re safe here.”  

Loki sniffled as Thor leaned into him.  A small tune went off, the chime repeating itself over and over before Thor cursed and pulled a phone out of his back pocket.  His conversation wasn’t hushed in the slightest and yet Loki couldn’t bring himself to care much.  Something about missing classes.  Loki just wanted to be left alone.  He felt bare and raw, and he ached.

“Just go,” Loki mumbled, his voice barely audible.  

“I won‘t leave you here alone.”

“I‘ll be fine on my own, Thor.  I‘m not a kid.”

Thor sighed, clearly fighting with his conflicting emotions.  “Don‘t worry about me,” Loki reassured him though given the circumstances, he could have been lying.  There was so much to worry about.  “I won‘t run.”

“You can stay here and no one will come for you,” he told Loki, obviously wanting to touch him and console him but he knew better.  If he had been telling the truth about his episodes, episodes Loki didn’t remember in the slightest, right now wouldn’t be a good time to physically approach him.  “Please tell me you won’t leave.”

“I have nowhere to go, Thor.  I won’t leave.”

Loki anticipated a hug.  Something.  Anything.  But was grateful for nothing.  He didn’t want any of it.   He didn’t watch as Thor frantically picked up his things, he could hardly bring himself to listen as Thor excused himself, saying things about talking some more later and words that drowned in the vast black sea of Loki’s mind.  He meant it when he said he wasn’t going to go anywhere.  If Thor had found him on a stroke of luck, what stopped the facility, the police or even his false parents from finding him on a similar stroke of luck? He had no money to take a bus anywhere, he had nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Thor must have known that, or else he wouldn’t have left him alone.  Then again, he’d always been incredibly trusting and naïve.  

_“We truly can’t go anywhere now.  We have to get what we originally stayed here for.”_

“Shut up, Ikol,” Loki mumbled as he made his way towards the couch.  He had to lay down.  The world was still spinning.  “Just.. Shut up.”

 

________________________________________________

  


Loki hadn’t noticed when he had fallen asleep but he knew that it hadn’t been for long.  His eyes still felt puffy and stung, and his face felt cracked from the tears.  He was all well and clean, but he felt dirty again.  Miraculously once more, Ikol wasn’t there to greet him like he usually did when he woke up, and what exactly had woken him up this time?

Ahh yeah.. The rattling of the front door.

Loki blinked rapidly, staring at the door handle that jiggled side to side as if someone were trying to pry it open.  The other four locks that were on the door weren’t done up, so the only lock that was in place was the one on the doorknob.  Was it Stark or Bruce trying to come in?  Or was Thor back that quickly from classes?  Either way, Loki wasn’t getting up from the warmth of the couch.  Whomever it was could hack out their problems with the doorknob themselves.  Not.  His.  Problem.

The door silently popped open after a few more tries and it slowly, eerily let in a crack of light from the apartment hallway.  What the hell? Loki thought to himself.  A small feminine figure silently stepped in, but she wasn’t sneaking or tiptoeing despite the fact that she had just broken in.  What gave her away?  First, she had a hard time with the lock, and secondly… she had what looked like a credit card in her hand.

The girl pocketed the card as she made a beeline for the kitchen, her black, buckled leather boots clacking at the metal clasps with each step she took with her long, shiny black legging covered legs.  Her shirt was a forest green that was haltered around her neck with a V cut at the front, stopping a little below the beginning of her small breasts, and the majority of her back was exposed.  She had long glossy black hair split down the center that was half up in a bun, held in place at the back of her head with what looked to be bone clips.

Loki cocked a curious brow.

The girl silently rummaged through the white kitchen cupboards before finding what she was looking for.  A blue box with confectionary decorations was placed on the counter and was carelessly torn open, the girl pulling out one silver wrapped package for herself and leaving the rest.

Loki adjusted himself and sat on the armrest of the couch, his legs spread wide with one ankle resting atop the other legs knee in his signature I-don’t-really-care-but-I’m-a-bit-curious kind of way; arms folded across his chest.

The girl put the snack box back and turned around, and yet when she caught him watching her she didn’t bat an eye.  No emotion, no shock, nothing registered on her pale, heart shaped face as her green eyes bore into Loki’s equally green own.

“Who are you?”  They both asked at the same time. Then silence as she stood there and Loki sat there staring.

“I’m Loki.  You are?”

“Leaving.”

“Do you do this often?”  Loki asked as she walked away from the kitchen and from him.  “Come in uninvited and steal things from others.”

The girl slowly turned around and gave him the once over with her green, so green eyes, and shrugged.  “They never properly lock their doors, and the big blond one has Poptarts.  Hela won’t let me have sweets so I get them where I can.”

_“She’s… interesting.”_

“Who’s Hela?”

The girl lightly frowned at him.  “Are you going to tell them I was here?”

Loki smirked.  He was amused, truly amused and he could tell the difference from when he was and wasn’t.  And he hadn’t been in a very long time.  “Depends.  Do you live in this building?”

“Of course,” She said.  “Why would a stranger from the street come up to this place specifically and know where everything is?”

Loki shrugged at her.  “Then, what’s your name?”

“Why would I give you my name?  You’d just use it against me.”

“Let’s just say I know a lot about stealing too.  I’m very good at it, actually a lot better than you.  I wouldn’t have woken someone up if I were sneaking in.”

The girl slightly bristled at him, her chest puffing up in a show of pride and defiance.  Loki liked that defiance.  “How about a game then?  You can try and pull one over on me, and I’ll tell you my name.”

Loki thought about it for a moment.  It wouldn’t hurt, would it?  It had been a long time since he’d played any sort of game, and plus… he felt less scatterbrained now that she was here.  Or maybe it was from the unintentional nap he had taken?  Either way, he was enjoying her…  _odd_ company.  “That’s a strange game to play given that I have something on you and- hey, what?”

The girl had left and closed the door on him in mid sentence, leaving Loki a bit flustered at the action.  He quickly got up and ran the small way to the door, opening it quickly to try and catch which direction she had headed off in, but when he looked, she was gone.  A smirk appeared on Loki’s face.

_“Now wasn’t that interesting…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions or don't understand something, feel free to ask!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifteen year old Loki suffered the wrath of his family and was put into a home for others like him. However two years later, unable to tolerate the medication that made the voice in his head become corporeal, Loki devised a plan and escaped his living nightmare only to face another; coming face to face with the one who betrayed him.

There are days where you really don‘t feel like working through.  Days where the time seems to pass so slowly, it is difficult to accept the time the clock over your head or the watch on your wrist is giving you.  Time is immeasurable in this state and it makes for a crazy mind, and Thor was slowly being driven insane.  Four hours had passed since he’d left the apartment; four hours since he’d left Loki behind.  It was noon and as Thor was sucking down his Jamba Juice smoothie, he wondered if his younger brother had eaten anything.  Was he taking care of himself?  Was he even still there?  Those were reoccurring and worrying situations that didn’t flitter through his mind, but stomped all around it.  Class had been difficult only because he had a hard time paying attention, and when anything related to health issues came up, he wondered if Loki was doing alright on his own.

How had he not been like this before?  He’d always cared about his brothers but somehow this was worse.  Remorse; that’s what he was feeling.  What a powerful thing it was.  It occupied his mind and his heart, his very being was rendered immobile with just the feeling alone.  He didn’t hate himself for what he had done against his brother, but he greatly regretted what had come after.  Was it all his fault?  Possibly.  That alone was a dark, separate pool of emotion he didn’t want to dive into even though the deep end was calling him to drown in it.

The sun was high and blaring and yet the chill of the oncoming winter was teasing his skin.  He liked the feeling as it made him forget what was on his mind and concentrate on just being, but it got difficult when the cold got underneath his sweater.  It reminded him too much of last night, wrestling Loki into the car, something he realized now he probably shouldn’t have done.  It wasn’t as if he trusted Thor, and his actions that night might have made the situation worse.  

“You look distracted,” the soft yet deep timber of a females voice seemed to echo behind him.  Thor turned around slowly to see the form of a curvaceous red-headed female approach him and he couldn’t help but let off a lazy smile.  Natasha had just come from the building he had previously been in ordering his Jamba Juice, and she had a cup of her own, except the fruit smoothie was replaced by coffee and a green siren on the clear plastic cup.  Thor shrugged at her.

“Just thinking,” he said, taking a drink.

“Apparently you’ve been thinking all day.”

Thor just gave her a confused look which in turn made Natasha shrug, her green eyes boring into him.  “Sif told me you were distracted in class all morning.  And yes, before you tell me Sif should mind her own business, which she should seeing as you two broke up a while ago, she still worries about you.”

“Well, there is nothing to worry about.  I am doing just fine,” he responded, tilting is Jamba Juice with a smile on his face.  A fake, plastic smile but a smile nonetheless.

“You’ve always been a terrible liar.  Besides,” she said, nudging his arm with her elbow.  It would have been endearing if she wasn’t so straight faced.  Natasha didn’t have a sense of humor, but somehow it worked on her.  “Tony told me what he saw this morning.  Harboring a fugitive?”

“What?” He almost shouted the words.  How had Tony found out about Loki running off?  He hadn’t told them anything other than that he was his brother and that he needed a place to stay for a while.  Then again, Tony was incredibly intelligent, so if anyone could find out what Loki was doing at their place, it would be Tony Stark.

“Relax, I’m not serious.”  That was a shocker.  “He told me your brother is going to be staying with you guys for a while and that it was an awkward situation.  He said there was no love between you two; at least it looked that way on your brothers side.”

“It is but a quarrel between brothers.  And Stark truly does have a big mouth.”

Natasha shrugged again.  “It’s in his nature.  Best not to try and change it.”

Thor hopelessly sighed.  He didn’t know what to do.  Loki was at the apartment all alone, or at least he thought he was still there.  That was just how Loki was, he could tell you one thing but you could never really tell when he was lying or telling the truth.  If anything, Loki could have been long gone and Thor wouldn’t have had any way of knowing.

Thor cursed to himself.  He shouldn’t have gone to class.  He should have stayed with Loki instead, made sure he didn’t run off.  He was truly only trying to help his brother, considering all that has happened since Thor messed things up between them.

“Now you’re angry,” Natasha spoke up.  “If there is something on your mind, it won’t bother me if you want to talk.  Besides, I’m good at keeping secrets.”

The wind seemed to make the trees as restless as Thor felt and the paved walkways were as empty as the grassy courtyard, every bench and table empty of but a few students.  Thor began walking, knowing that Natasha would follow him down the paved steps.  The cool air bit at his skin from beneath his thin sweater and he briefly wondered if Natasha even felt the cold underneath her beige leather jacket.  Her small heeled boots clicked in place with his shuffling dark blue loafers, his long stride making her take a few steps more in order keep up but she wasn’t complaining.  Since the entire year he had known her, he had never heard her complain about anything.

“What if you inadvertently hurt someone, Natasha?  What would you do?”

“We all hurt people, Thor.  Our actions to correct the situation depend on the situation that occurred.  Sometimes we can’t make things right again, but we can try to forgive and move on.”

“And what if what I did was unforgivable?”

“Do you really think you did something that couldn’t be forgiven?”

It was Thor’s turn to shrug.  Did he?  He didn’t know the full scope of what Loki had been through, but the scars of puncture wounds in his arms, the burn scars on his wrist and his mental and physical state made him think that he could never be forgiven.  “I am not sure.  All I know is that I want to make things right with my brother, but I just don’t know where to begin.”

“That’s always the difficult part,” Natasha said, taking a drink of her Starbucks.  “But the fact that your brother came to you for whatever reason, means that he too might be ready to fix things, even if it’s difficult to see the connection at first.”  Natasha grunted as she looked at her watch.  “Unfortunately I have to head to my next class.  We’ll talk later.”

“Wait,” Thor said, calling her back.  “Do not let anyone else know about my brother staying with me.  Especially Sif.”

Natasha didn’t ask questions, which was something he liked about her for the most part.  She didn’t pry for details, but he knew that when she wanted to she would be able to get them out of a person.  Thor had fallen victim to that many times before, he was ashamed to admit.

“My lips are sealed.”

As Natasha left, Thor couldn’t bring himself to tell her that his brother hadn’t come to him for anything, he had taken his brother by force; that his brother wasn’t actually his brother, that he was adopted and considered clinically mentally unstable and that it was Thor’s fault that he had been pushed even farther into the instability pit.  So what if he got home and Loki was still there?  Did that mean Natasha was right, that Loki also wanted to fix things between them?  Well, whatever happens, he can’t let anyone else outside of their small group find out that Loki was with him.  He didn’t know if he could trust word getting out to Sif, someone who had always disliked Loki since they were kids.  He could only imagine her either taking the matter into her own hands and calling the institute to point out where Loki was, or telling his Father.  He didn’t know which outcome would be worse.

Thor sighed and ran a heavy hand down his face.  It was also his time to head to the next class and all he could do was go through routine right now.  His mind was too filled with what might or might not be waiting at home, and how to deal with it when he got there.  He just hoped Loki was still there.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“If she came to this apartment specifically, then she has to live on this floor.”  The youthful face of Loki was pressed up against the front door of the apartment as one of his green eyes was closed and the other peered through the little hole that allowed him to look outside for visitors.  He deduced that the hall was empty for the millionth time he had checked and yet he couldn’t stop checking every few minutes.  Would the strange girl come back?  If she did, he’d make sure she didn’t leave until she answered a few of his questions.

How old are you?  What’s your name?  Do you like milkshakes?

_“Can I have your number?  Honestly, Loki.”_

“I wasn’t going to ask that, Ikol.  But if by the end of the day she wants to give it to me, she can.”

_“Yes, of course.  Because you have a means of calling her.”_

“Borrowing a phone never hurt anybody.”  Loki looked back through the hole again.  “What I need is a form of action.  A plan.  Do you think the neighbors would get mad if I inquired about her?”

_“You can’t go knocking on every door, Loki.”_

“I wasn’t thinking that specifically.  But if she knew how to open this door, then she comes here often.  Everyday maybe?  Every other day?”

_“If that is the case, why not just ask those that reside here?  Speaking of which, one of them is headed this way.”_

A dark figure appeared before the door’s eyelet, jangling some keys in his free hand as he talked on his phone with the other.  The goateed one was home wearing another one of his obnoxious band shirts and a pair of pants that weren’t jeans but they weren’t slacks either.  Loki quickly moved away from the door as the lock jiggled in place and he made a beeline for the couch.  Jumping on it as casually as possible, he switched on the television and the room was soon engulfed by Chloe, Kim and the third Kardashian sister nobody cared about via surround sound, complaining about something or another, whining in that annoying tone no one with a healthy mind would be able to stand.  Thankfully Loki didn’t have much of a healthy mind and enjoyed the show since the moment he turned it on in the morning till now.  He couldn’t help it, he liked marathons.  Ikol felt otherwise however and was silently grumbling to itself.

Loki turned the volume down as Stark came in.  Loki shamelessly listened in to his conversation, or what he could hear on his end between Tony’s hushed voice.  Something along the lines of, ‘he’s still here, no I don’t know, I’m not a babysitter,’ and a bit of light profanity.  Loki figured he must have been talking to Thor.  Conversations with him somehow lead to profanity.

“It is his Ox for a brain.”

“Is that Thor?”  Loki asked, in which Stark only turned towards him and gave him a lifted brow in question.

“Do I know you?”

Loki shrugged at him and turned back to the T.V.  “Just thought I’d ask.”  

Tony dropped the call with Thor and slowly moved over to the living room with his book bag slung over his shoulder and gave Loki a look.  “So,” he began with pursed lips, giving Loki a once over from head to toe.  It made Loki squirm internally but he’d be damned if he admitted to that.  “You’re Thor’s brother.  You look nothing alike.”

“We’re _not_ actually related.”

“Is he a metaphorical brother, or did your parents do the whole,” Stark made a strange movement with his hands.  “Adoption thing?”

“His parents adopted me, yes.” Loki emphasized with a scowl on his face, yet he didn’t face Tony.  He could feel him however.  He could feel Tony move across the way, drop off his bag in the bedroom, and he felt when Tony came back and sat down next to him on the couch.

“Kardashians,” he said with a squeamish face.  “At least you weren’t adopted into that family.”

“Maybe things would have turned out better.”

“Is that why you’re here?”  He asked him, turning to him as Loki could feel Stark’s eyes trying to dig through his mind.  “Things didn’t turn out so well in your new home?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s new, and what does it matter to you?”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” Goatee said matter-of-factly.  “But I’m betting there’s a reason why Thor brought you here instead of taking you back home, and whatever reason that is, it needs to be fixed so you can go home.”

Were all of Thor‘s friends always so rude?  Sif, and Thor‘s other three stooges he called friends always snapped rude comments and made mean jokes.  “I don’t have a home,” Loki practically whispered through gritted teeth and he slowly felt his blood boil at that fact.

“Why would you say that?”  He asked him.  “Parents kick you out?  Threaten to put you back into foster care?”

“No,” Loki responded, his teeth grinding as the Kardashians got louder and more obnoxious around them.  When had his heart started pounding?  Were his eyes getting watery?

“Then what is it?  What’s stopping you from going back home or preventing you from having a home in the first place?”

Loki’s breaths quickened and his grip on the television remote tightened.  He didn’t want to look at Stark so he continued to stare at the tv without really watching the contents as he buried himself into his mind.  Why couldn’t he go home?  Because he didn’t have a home.  Why didn’t he have a home?  Because no one really loved him, because none of them ever had a reason to love someone who wasn’t really theirs, especially if they were-

“Because I’m crazy.”

The few seconds after his statement felt like suspended time in silence.  He could still feel Stark staring at him and it made him uncomfortable, but Loki refused to budge.  He also refused to look at him.  What he didn’t expect, out of all the possible outcomes of him calling him crazy or calling Thor or calling someone to come and fetch him, Stark stayed seated next to him.

“Do you think you’re crazy?”

Loki shrugged at him.  “No.”  And then he thought about Ikol, something he didn‘t talk to about anyone and the few that knew had gotten the information out of him through pill pumping or waking him up from horrible nightmares.  Or in Thor‘s case, catching Loki talking to himself and faking that he cared just to get Loki to spill his secret.  “Yes?  I don’t know.”

“You’re still just a kid,” Stark said, catching Loki by surprise again as if those words were what could easily explain everything that had happened to him.  But before the man could elaborate, he stood up and stretched.  He didn’t even excuse himself as he left the room and went into his bedroom.  It wasn’t till moments later that Loki felt a little annoyed at being called a kid.  He would have to correct this.

\---------------------------------------------

“You have a brother?”  Clint Barton practically shrieked surprise as he helped Natasha with the bags that were taking up most of her arm space.  Small ringlet grooves formed on the skin of her arms where the heavy bags had been and she rubbed at them absentmindedly.  Both of them looked at Thor with a ‘you cant be serious’ expression on their faces.

Thor sighed at them with a few bags of his own in his arms.  “I do, but please do not spread the word of him residing with me for the time being.  Things are… complicated.”

“When I said things could be fixed,” Natasha spoke up as she followed behind Thor down the hall, Clint right behind her.  “I didn’t mean it could be fixed with bribes.”

“They are not bribes,” Thor defended himself and his impulsive shopping.  “They are provisions.  My brother didn’t bring any with him so I brought it upon myself to make sure that his stay is a comfortable one.”

“But you do have a brother,” Clint said, his short cropped dirty blonde hair popping up in question over Natasha’s shoulder.  “Why am I the last to know things?”

“No one was supposed to know.”

“But Nat, you tell me everything.”

Natasha gave Clint a glare and turned back to the apartment door of Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, and Thor.  And apparently, Thor thought to himself, Loki’s now as well.

Thor took a deep breath to himself.  It was now or never.  He had called Tony earlier to find out if Loki was still there seeing as he couldn’t go through the rounds of the day without thinking about Loki, and Tony assured him that Loki was still there.  But that didn’t mean he would still be there.  Thor didn’t think Tony would put up much of a fuss if Loki decided to leave.

Thor unlocked the door and pushed it open with the tip of his shoe and held his breath.  He was expecting to see Loki where he had left him but to his hearts dismay, Loki wasn’t anywhere in the living room.  He wasn’t even in the kitchen.  “Loki?”  He called out.

“What‘s a Loki?”  He vaguely heard Clint ask Natasha but he didn’t bother to listen any further as his blood rushed to his head and the beating in his ears became a bit deafening.  The bags he had been carrying dropped to the floor as he rushed all the way into the kitchen; no one was there.  He double checked the living room even though it was plain to see that it was uninhabited and yet the television was on with commercials blaring.  He didn’t see Loki’s backpack.

Thor didn’t want to panic, but how could he not?  He had missed his chance to make things right with Loki, to help Loki if he could, or to at least just try and rebuild that bridge they had when they were boys.  This was his brother whether Loki fought against that fact or not, whether Loki had been adopted or not, they were raised together and Thor would never forget those times they shared.  And now his brother was running around New York, unfed, sick and lost.  He had to ask Tony what the hell he was thinking by just letting Loki go.

He heard Natasha and Clint call out to him to calm him down but Thor was seeing red, and when he was after something, he went after it at full force.  He was often told he had a one track mind, and he would be honest with himself if he agreed.  Thor practically tore at Tony’s door and was ready to shout at him and demand answers when what he saw took him back and stopped him in his tracks.

The lights in Tony’s room were bright, too bright and his room was large.  Much larger than Thor’s and only slightly larger than Bruce’s.  He had obviously taken out the carpeting and he had a bed close to the door; on the farther side were blueprints to things Thor would never recognize.  He had a table set up that was filled with things that Tony had made himself as well as tools, and in the only two chairs in the room, Tony sat in the farthest.  He had on a pair of clear construction goggles and a pair of worn leather gloves as he soldered things together.

Loki stood right behind him looking over Tony’s shoulder, also donning a pair of construction goggles.

Thor felt his fogged mind clear at the sight.  Seeing Loki stand practically on his tiptoes as he stared over Tony’s shoulder seemed to calm him a bit and yet annoy him at the same time.  Loki had never been interested in something Thor had done the way he was interested in Tony’s current project or whatever it was.  It irked him.

Tony abruptly stopped soldering and lifted his goggles to stare at Thor; Clint and Natasha filled the door right behind him.  “Oh good, you’re here,” Tony said in faux exasperation.  “He hasn’t left since I got here, he’s like a puppy.  Somebody wean him for me?  Thanks.”

“So _that’s_ a Loki.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for taking forever to update this. I am terrible with keeping up with these things and life has gotten a lot more important than updating a fic. Fortunately, I have taken the time to type out the fourth chapter that has been sitting in my notebook for quite some time already, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I loved jumping around and playing with everyone's emotions. It's not very long but... well... Derp. =3

Clint Barton could not stop staring. The Loki next to him was dark haired, green eyed, tall for a seventeen year old and a little more lanky than lean, as if he didn’t eat or exercise much. Compared to Thor, he was a dark spot in the modern chrome, blue and white living room. Where Thor brought sunshine and smiles to a room as if he’d just stepped off a rainbow bridge from the land of fluff and kittens, Loki looked like he could summon The Dark Lord if you so much as spoke in his direction. Clint just didn’t get how different they were.

Loki lifted a brow at Clint in agitation. Well, as much as he could lift seeing as the goggles he had used in Tony’s room were now settled on his forehead and crowding his face, making the front of his hair spike in different directions. Clint was staring at him as if he were a rubix cube and he couldn’t figure out which panel to turn to make it all synch together. It made Loki wonder if he had a few screws loose or if Loki really looked as deranged as he felt most of the time.

They had been sitting together in the living room, playing Call of Duty on Thor’s X-Box as the others got together. They had all introduced themselves to Loki and Loki did likewise. He was polite and courteous when the occasion called for it and this moment seemed to be turning into just an occasion. Loki had been watching the ever annoying, yet brilliant, Tony Stark work in his lab when company had arrived in the form of Thor and a gang of shopping bags. Also a small trail of people.

Loki had been introduced to Natasha Romanov, a Russian beauty if he ever saw one who took no bull from anyone, Bruce Banner again, and Clint “The Creep” Barton. The sudden burst of people had slowly developed into a get-together and most were either at the dining table, drinking and munching on chips and salsa, or like he and Barton on the couch playing C.O.D.  
Well, Loki was playing C.O.D.  
Clint was being a creep.

“Can you please stop staring?” Loki mumbled at him in annoyance, in which Barton only shrugged and looked back at the game on the big HD screen. Loki briefly wondered how Thor managed to make such odd friends and as he chanced a look back at Thor, he didn’t have to wonder much. Stark, Natasha and Bruce were sitting at the glass and chrome table sharing a few drinks and laughs, as if they were all pulled towards Thor’s bursting magnitude of personality. His sunny disposition and loyalty that most found admirable, Loki found foolish.

_“Thor? Loyal? Why, I once thought that myself, but alas, see what he has put us through. It’s enough to make me sick.”_

Thor’s burst of laughter suddenly irritated Loki to the point where he lost all concentration on his game and ended up dying. He groaned a dropped the X-Box controller and Clint eyed him curiously.  
“It’s just a game, Kid.”  
Loki just frowned at him. “I’ll be in the bathroom,” and excused himself. He wasn’t spared much of a glance.

 _“Damn that Thor, damn him!”_ Ikol was groaning the moment Loki had locked himself in the bathroom, bouncing off the walls in agitation and Loki had no idea what had set him off. Either way, Loki couldn’t take it any longer, trying to balance out his own thoughts and Ikol’s voice was exhausting that he just-  
“Shut up!”

The wall behind him rattled as he pushed himself against it and he knew, instinctively he knew, that the commotion not only in his mind but outside in the living room had ceased for the merest of seconds.

“What’s wrong with your brother?” He heard Natasha ask.  
“He seems unbalanced.”  
“He’s just dealing with a few things,” Tony said to his surprise. “Let him hash it out on his own, Thor.”

Thank the gods for Tony Stark, Loki thought, knowing that Goatee had stopped Thor from coming to the bathroom for Loki and bombarding him with questions. Loki released a sigh of relief when he released himself in the bathroom, thankful to be away from the new commotion outside. Quiet. He needed quiet, he thought. He prayed, begged for silence for not only outside but in his own mind and heart. Besides, he needed to figure out a plan to find the girl from earlier, and asking them outside would be out of the question. It wouldn’t even be a challenge if he took that route.

“Steve!” Loki almost jumped at Thor’s sudden enthusiastic outburst.  
“Oh no, who invited him,” he heard Tony groan.  
“You made it,” Thor exclaimed in which Loki heard Tony groan again.  
“Why do I even ask?”

“Sorry I’m late,” the man known as Steve said. From his voice, Loki could only imagine an all American boy and quickly frowned. “I didn’t know it was a party. Hope you don’t mind but, someone decided to tag along.” And Loki could feel the smile in Steve’s words.

Loki finished and washed his hands and as he was drying them, his stomach almost dropped out from him. “Sif,” he whispered to himself as a feminine voice spoke up, raspy with a low pitch that had once brought Loki to his knees in admiration. Admiration that had quickly turned into resentment the moment she had started officially dating Thor. It didn’t matter how much she had teased him as a child, he had done just the same though he was a few years younger than her. But then the teasing had become bullying, and Loki just couldn’t help but resent her all the more. Some would say he deserved it seeing as he pranked her constantly to the point where he once chopped off a chunk of her hair, but that did not constitute the type of bullying she and Thor’s three stooges had placed upon him.

“Sif,” he heard Thor’s genuine surprise at her being there. “What are you-”  
“I just need to talk with you really quickly. In private.”

Loki took this moment to hurry and sneak out of the bathroom, ducking out through the hall and catching a small glimpse of Sif. Her hair was gloriously black and brought up in a high ponytail that cascaded to the middle of her back. She sported a riders jacket with a pair of dark jeans and brown pleather knee-high boots. She looked good. Healthy. Beautiful as always and Loki hated her all the more for it.

Loki quickly rushed to the room nearest him and locked the door behind him. Their footsteps were coming closer and closer and with each step, Loki’s heart beat in his ear like a drum. The doorknob jiggled and Loki couldn’t even bring himself to breathe. If she found him in here, he would do just about anything to get away from Sif and his family. He refused to go back to the institute no matter what.

“Um, I must have locked it,” Thor remarked in an uncertain voice. Loki could practically see the frown on Sif’s brow. She always had that frown, it was displeasing.  
“Are you alright? You look pale, Thor.”  
‘I’m fine. Let’s just talk here… in this bathroom.”  
“You don’t have a key?”  
“I’m sure it’s around somewhere, can’t be arsed to look for it, you wanted to talk about something?”

Loki cringed at Thor’s terrible skill at lying. If this was a life or death situation, they all would have been dead. Loki heard Sif sigh as they closed the bathroom door and he quickly moved himself to the adjacent wall that connected the two and pressed his ear against it. The voices were slightly muffled, but they were there and that was all that mattered.

“I guess I’ll just come out and tell you.” Pause. “I spoke to your mother the other day.”  
“My mother?”  
 _“His mother?”_ Loki rolled his eyes at Ikol.  
“Yes, your mother. She was worried that… well, she told me that Loki had left the institute and she was worried over how you were handling it.”  
“Oh… I see.”  
“Look, Thor, I’m sorry for just coming here like this and I truly hate being the mediator, but she told me that you haven’t spoken to neither her nor your father since Loki’s disappearance. You really should call them, Thor. She’s worried sick about you.”

“She shouldn’t be. I’m doing just fine.” Thor’s words were clipped and cold, much different from his usual speech patterns when he demanded proper respect and attention. Loki would know, he’d been on the receiving end of each most of his life.

“Oh… well… have you heard from your brother at all?”  
Ikol tsked in annoyance.  
“Are you really here to see how I am doing on their behalf, or did they ask you to snoop for them as well?”  
“Ten points for Odinson,” he heard Tony say in the background which everyone completely ignored. What a terribly unprivate conversation they were having, it seemed.

Sif sounded offended. “Thor, no. I’m… I’m worried for him is all.”  
“You are?” Thor sounded confused and Loki scrunched up his face as if tasting a bitter lie from Sif’s mouth to his. “Why would you be? To my knowledge, you never liked my brother.”  
“I never said I disliked him, he just always seemed odd to me. He was always doing terrible things and causing all sorts of trouble for us. You especially. I just.. I mean, I just hope he’s all right. For someone not quite well in the head to be wandering around, who knows what he might do. New York has enough of those already.”

 _“Ouch. Must have stung.”_ Loki blinked back the anger and bile rising in his chest. Sif, the same as always. _“So endearing.”_

“What he’ll do? What of his own safety? A number of things could happen to a boy his age out on the streets and yet you are worried about what he’ll do.”  
“Thor, he has never been stable. Did you forget all of the threats and damages he had done to not just his own school, but your own?”  
“It does not matter. He may not be in the proper state of mind at the moment but he is my brother, and his safety comes first. I doubt he would bring harm to others.”  
“He used to come at us with knives, Thor. You have a scar across your arm to remind you of it.”  
“I do not doubt him.”

Sif was growing agitated, and Loki was growing weary of this conversation. Thor was defending him against someone he had considered his greatest friend, his most cherished girlfriend of a few years and Loki couldn’t handle it. Ikol had gone silent.

“Why do you always defend him at every turn? He is sick!”  
“All the more reason he needs our support.”  
“He needs the institute, Thor. He can’t be running around, it’s dangerous.”  
Thor’s voice was shaky with emotion and quite possibly anger as well. “He needs his family, not some abusive institute.”  
“It’s not like that.”  
“You don’t know what they’ve done to him!”  
“And you do?!”  
The silence that followed was so incredibly thick, it threatened to suffocate everyone in the apartment. Everything and everyone had gone silent as if waiting for the pin to drop; for Sif to realize that Loki was hiding out in Thor’s bedroom, listening in on their argument. And what was stopping the others from telling her where he was? That Thor was keeping him from her.

“Thor… do you know where Loki is?”  
Thor let out a sigh that spoke volumes. “No… no, I don’t.”  
A smack of lips against skin and Loki knew she had leaned in and kissed the golden boy on the cheek. “If you did, I would have never betrayed your trust to your family, Thor. I hope you know and can believe in that. I love you.”  
“Sif-”  
“It’s alright. You don’t have to say it back. It’s platonic now, remember?” Sif chuckled softly, and it was heavy with emotion.

_“Women. Back and forth with such wanton emotions.”_

The bathroom door clicked open, and Loki pulled away, listening to their shuffling feet leave the hall. The living room had come back to life the moment the two of them had exited as if they all hadn’t just heard their discussion. What would they all think of Loki now? Would they chastise him for all his misdeeds the same way Sif so clearly did? Would they push him away, and would Stark and Banner no longer allow for Loki to stay? It didn’t matter. Loki could always keep moving out on the streets. Cash was no problem to obtain, he could always just take some from those that lived here and use it to his advantage. Leave the city.  
But Thor had defended him. And this baffled him to his core. It made him feel conflicted in his hatred towards him, as if it was unjustified. Why did Thor have to defend him.

 _“It is because he loves you.”_  
“He always has, hasn’t he. The only one to ever do so without a second thought.”  
 _“But love is treacherous. It is unnecessary.”_  
“And finally you and I agree wholeheartedly on something, Ikol.”

Loki tossed himself backwards on the edge of the bed, arms splayed out as the back of his head hit something hard. He groaned, rubbing at his head as he turned, really looking at the bedroom for the first time. The bed was large with a navy blue quilt tossed over it, a gift from their Grandmother Loki remembered her giving Thor. He looked upon the walls covered in sports and band posters consisting mostly of 90’s grunge and old-school punk and grinned to himself at seeing the poster of Nirvana he had given Thor for his birthday. The edges were slightly ruffled and torn from use, but it made Loki smile for a brief moment before remembering that it was the night he had woken up with a knife in his hand and blood on his clothes. He couldn’t remember coming after Thor in such a manner with the intention to harm him, but Thor didn’t met out revenge or retribution. He simply told everyone to not speak of it to his parents, that he would deal with it on his own and simply cleaned his wound that turned into a nasty scar over the years. Loki had cried hard that night, and all Thor did was hold him.  
Loki didn’t feel like looking at the room anymore.

The book he had hit his head on was laying on the bed in front of him. It was for one of his classes, Loki realized, and a page was marked. Loki opened the health book out of curiosity and cringed at the photo that was pressed between the pages. He saw Thor’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and he likewise as Balder perched himself on his knees between them in a black and white photo booth strip. They made silly faces, they laughed, they posed seriously until the final photo was of them smiling as if all was right in their world. Thor didn’t have the scar on his arm yet. No, Loki wasn’t that far gone at the time. They were just boys; brothers enjoying each others company.  
Loki’s chest ached.

“Loki?” Thor knocked on the bedroom door and Loki quickly hid the photo strip back in the book, placing it back where it had been before wiping away at his cheeks. How long had Thor been there?

He quickly moved to the door and unlocked it. The fact that he was saying his name aloud meant that Sif must have taken off and so he opened the door. Thor stood there with his golden mane and soft blue eyes, crowding Loki with how big he was in mass. They didn’t know what to say to each other. It was awkward. Thor obviously knew that Loki had heard his conversation with Sif and there was no hiding it. Everyone had heard it. Neither he nor Sif had ever been good at indoor voices so it was a given that everyone would hear.

“They’ve all left,” Thor started. “They’re picking up Chinese take-out. I don’t know what you like so I ordered the same for the both of us, if that’s okay.”  
“It’s… fine.”  
They stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before Thor cleared his throat, and Loki moved out of the way of the entrance. “I have a few things for you,” Thor quickly said, moving towards his closet and pulling it open. A lot of rustling started and Thor was quickly out of the closet with a few bags in his hands. “I guessed your sizes.”

Loki quirked a brow at him and didn’t want to accept anything, but with the dopey look on Thor’s face, he knew he had to at least look through one. He had defended him against Sif, and that must count for something. Thor places the bags on the bed and promptly sat down next to Loki who was fingering the shimmering edge of a paper gift bag from “Lofts.” He slowly and attentively put his hand into the bag and felt around, the majority of it being empty until he reached the bottom. Loki frowned and felt at the material before winding his fingers around the object.  
What he pulled out he couldn’t believe his eyes, much less suppress the laughter that bubbled inside him.

“I can’t believe you got this.”  
“Do you like it?” Thor said with a bright smile, and Loki had a hard time looking at him. The T-shirt Loki held in his hands was all white with a simple, “I Heart London” with a drawn on red heart replacing the word. The same type he had when they were kids and they went out to London to visit family. Loki never took the shirt off until one day it had gone missing. To this day he still blames their father for it.  
 _“Thor’s father. Do not forget.”_  
Loki refused to let Ikol bring him down. That was a genuine good memory that he would never, no matter what, tarnish. That was a great vacation when things were all good and nothing had gone wrong with him.  
“I remember you loved it so much,” Thor said still beaming. “I got you a bit more clothes. Shamelessly, I got them for you in the hopes that you would stay for a while.”  
Loki quickly stopped admiring the shirt and looked at Thor. His face was suddenly serious and his tone… it was pleading and somber.

“Loki… I understand that I can’t force you to stay, but I want you to. To me, you are still and always will be my brother, and I promise I will find a way to make up for all of my wrongs. I won’t badger you about what happened at the institute, all I can do is hope that you will rely on me one day with what was done to you that caused so much… damage. I just-”

 _“What he has done is irreparable. It is unforgivable.”_  
“Yes, what he has done is irreparable. It is unforgivable, you‘re right.”  
 _“Did he think he could bribe you with such gifts? Pull at your most cherished memories and expect you to forgive what he has done to us?”_  
“I can’t forgive him.” A dark fog flooded Loki’s mind like black ink pooling carelessly upon a blank sheet, spreading it‘s dark, slimy trails in different directions until the entirety of the empty page was covered in a sea of dark. “As long as I have these scars within me, I can never forgive any of them.”

“…Loki?”

 _“These gifts are nothing but filthy tokens to atone for what he has done. It is too late for that now!”_  
“But I will stay.” Loki looked at Thor who sat there, confused and dare he say, hurt even by Loki’s words. Somehow, Loki didn’t care, as if… as if-  
Ikol grinned in Loki’s now dark filled mind.  
“I’ll stay here with you, Thor.”

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I’d smash together the concept of a kid!Loki and Ikol , though more of an older teenager here, a bit of movie Loki feels, and Thor and some avengers and mix them in my boiling, toiling AU pot and create this disaster. Reviews and comments are quite welcome here!


End file.
